I Love This Baby!

I have never felt real fear until Tuesday night. It started out just a regular night.  I was having a few stomach cramps that quickly turned into "I may lose this baby." Having lost one baby, it was my  one fear that was always lingering around. I was totally frantic, every bad thought that could possibly find their way in did. I never felt such a cold wave of fear hit me before. I started praying that this was just spotting and nothing more.
It's weird how much I love this little bean inside me already. I want to protect it and I would already give up anything I own if it meant its safety. I love day dreaming about Jake holding our baby, teaching the baby to walk, and holding the baby at night.
In two seconds I felt it all rip away from me…… I don't ever want to experience that again. I know it's kind of dramatic but its how I felt. Call it hormones, call it whatever you want but I realized I love this baby!I am thankful for a great doctor that I'm very confident in. My mom was there for me during the whole thing. I was happy she got to hear the heart beat with me and Jake for the first time. The baby's heart beat was so strong. I instantly felt happiness and pride swell up in me when I heard that sweet little thump thump. I looked at Jake and mom and said "it's so strong!"
I will, for the next six months, take it very easy and do everything I can to keep stress down.

I will post more later about everything that happened but I really need to eat dinner right now…. J