Rose by any other name…

I got to play Grandma this weekend! It was wonderful!!

A new dilemma has presented itself. What shall my "Grandma" name be??

I grew up old school. I did not have a "Mi-Mi," or a "Me-Maw" or any deviation thereof. I had a Grandma Watson and a Grandma Kirby. Our girls grew up with a Grandma Joyce and… Oh Lord, you won't believe what my mom's name turned into….Grandma Bada!

You have got to hear the story of the evolution of my mom's name. My mother's given name is LuVada. The first round of her grandchildren called her Grandma… plain and simple. Well, when Katie came around she started referring to her as Grandma Bada….possibly my mom tried to get her to say "Vada" and being a little tyke it came out "Bada." I'm not sure when it happened it just happened, and it stuck! My mom started referring to herself as "Grandma Bada" and even called my dad "Papa Bada." Crazy, huh?? Grandma Bada is, well, Grandma Bada to this day, 20 some years later!!

Katie had put much thought into what I would be called when she finally blessed with a grandchild and she came up with "Marmie." In case you do not recognize the name, Marmie is what the sisters in the book Little Women called their mother. The girls and I loved watching Little Women together and reading the books. We love all versions- the black n white one with Elizabeth Taylor and the modern remakes. I would ask the girls, "Why can't you be nice and sweet like those sisters?" Anyway, Marmie it was to be!

Marmie is a mouthful to say and it is very close to sounding like mommy. I don't' know if it will stick. This weekend we tried out a bunch of names. Down here in the South they have me-maws and maw-maws and mi-mi's…oh my! I do not like Maw-maw or me-maw. I love all things southern but not that!!

We tried on Gee-Gee, it was okay. The bottom line is Cole will decide what he wants to call me and whatever it is I will gladly answer to whatever that may be. With one exception I WILL NOT answer to the name Kenny suggested…..BIG MOMMA!! If I hear that name someone gonna die!!

Attention Please

I have started my own blog spot.  You can check it out at: http://tammyflaming-diva.blogspot.com/
I hope it makes you laugh a little, think a little and be happy your not as crazy as those  people in the Flaming family!

It’s a Hoover kind of week

Some things in life just suck…they suck like a big giant Hoover Canister Vacuum! They suck like the vacuum on the sit-com that sucks up the hamster or the parakeet. They suck like the time I sucked up the frayed end of a throw carpet and unraveled half the carpet before I could get the vacuum turned off. Things, people, circumstances they can suck the joy and peace right out of lives! Right now I can feel the tug of the vacuum cleaner nozzle on the back of my neck!

Here is my list of sucky things…

Snotty teenagers that keep making stupid decisions or worse can't make a decision

Waiting….I don't care what you're waiting for, waiting sucks

Being separated from those we love

Broken relationships

Cars that keep breaking down

Being overweight- nobody likes being the fat chick; I don't care how old you are

Being in a rut

Not having a maid

Being the victim of someone else's stupidity

This is not a complete list. My list varies from day to day. It's been a long week. I am not typically a negative person. Am I allowed as a Christian to say out loud that things suck? Am I exhibiting lack of faith or a lack of spirituality to acknowledge there are things in my life that get me down? I don't think so. I believe God knows and understands the suckiness of life. Jesus tells us "Come to me all who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest." (Matt. 11:28) Jesus is talking of our spiritual condition- being burdened by our sin and separation from God but I know we can also go to Jesus to find peace in the midst of the sucky things of life. My flesh wants to wallow in self pity and doubt that things will ever get better. The cruel reality is that some things don't ever get better. BUT I don't walk in separation from God I walk as a child of God. I do have peace and rest available to me. So I sit here feeling the tug of the worries of life but I have assurance that I'm not that hamster it will not kill me!

 

Catching Up

I have not been on here sense Cole has been born so let me quickly catch you up on the last three months.

1. Cole is perfect!
2. Katie and Jake are awesome parents
3. Cole prefers his papaw Kenny over me- but not for long

Katie and Jake are very attentive parents and it is sweet to see Jake help Katie as much as he does with Cole. Cole is a very happy baby and there is never a shortage of willing arms to hold the little guy.
As you may know my #2 daughter, Rebekah was married in June. The wedding was held in Ellendale, North Dakota. Katie, Cole, Kendra, Rachel and I all rode the Amtrak from Hammond, Louisiana to Fargo North Dakota- that was a 31 hour train trip!! Kenny flew to the wedding- I still don't know how he dodged the bullet on that one! Anyway, it was great fun…for the first 4 hours, and then it was just a beating! The whining, crying and fussing was just more than I could stand! We will never take Rachel on another train trip ever! HA, HA
Cole was a perfect angel it was the others that were the problem. Katie immediately got extra mommy points for making that trip. You can only imagine what it was like to pack and plan for all the needs of a 6 week old baby. We did manage to have a lot of laughs and you must hear Katie's "Nodak" accent.
Cole was able to meet Great Grandma Joyce, Grandpa Charles and "The Aunts" and a few cousins on the trip also. Being with Cole for 24/7 for 8 days forced my mommy instincts to kick in. Up to then it was a little strange and awkward holding him and I felt like I was going to break him. However, after, oh let's say 10 hours on the train it all came back to me and felt just as right as rain to hold him and feed him and juggle him around. Katie is a good sport and keeps an ever alert eye on the baby but is not soo over protective that she freaks out over every little thing. She does have to remind her sisters that he IS NOT A TOY and to be careful! When we returned to Louisiana and got off the train and we all still loved each other but we agreed that we had had enough family time together!
Cole just adores Kenny!! Kenny can get Cole to laugh and smile and coo like nobody's business!! I on the other hand get barely a response! Oh, yeah he smiles up at me while I'm feeding him his bottle – but that doesn't count he would smile at anyone that was feeding him!! Just the sound of Papaws voice makes Cole go crazy! What is up with that?? I pretend like it bothers me but it really does not! I know I will win Cole over; I'm just letting Papaw have his little moment in the sun. I know the way to a child's heart is thru play dough, tent forts and ice-cream…I'll win him over!!
Katie has quite work and is taking a few college classes this fall. I'm glad she is able to stay home and not have to put Cole in day care. It will not be easy but she and Jake can do it!
Kenny, Rachel and I drove over to Lafayette Sunday afternoon and enjoyed spending the day with them. I did make a few observations. When Katie put the nursery together she hung every little outfit on a hanger- yes every little footed sleeper, everything but plain onesies. I made a comment about how that was not practical- she argued that she liked it that way! Well, I chuckled to myself Sunday when I noticed that all of his little outfits were now in a basket and not on hangers!! My first "told ya so!!"
This  Grandma thing is going to be fun!!

The doctor said the “F” word … formula

The doctor said the "F" word … formula
After 26 hours of Cole not having a BM or soiled diaper I knew I needed to take him to the doctor….
We weighed once we got there and he indeed had lost over a pound in weight and he was only five days old. The doctor listened quietly to my story of how I have been feeding Cole every hour to 2 hours and he seemed to be frustrated. She quietly looked at the scale and then said "I believe you're not producing enough milk and I think you need to supplement with formula." It was like a slap to the face…..I was not enough for my baby? The doctor might as well have said "Katie your inadequate. "
It took three days and a lot of soul searching to not cringe when I feed Cole the bottle.
I can't be everything for Cole.  He will one day be his own little person ….I was being selfish and it was my ego swelling up and wanting to get in the way.  Would I starve Cole just so that my ego wouldn't be bruised? Why did I feel like I had to be completely perfect and be everything for Cole? One day he will want to use the potty on his own, he will one day eat solid foods, or maybe, gosh... one day want to be with his dad over me.  How far would I let my ego flair out of control? Well, it's going to stop here!
"It's not about me."
My husband and I are merely our child's custodians. We are his shapers, but not his maker. That part was done elsewhere. His behavior in a restaurant  reflects on our abilities as parents, but their genius does not. We might encourage and direct their particular talents but we do not bestow them. That too, was done
elsewhere.
No matter what happens with blood tests, feeding or anything that may come up I know that its time to remain humble and have faith  and remember that it's not about me.
Cole still loves me, he still needs me, I am adequate ……..

He’s Here!!

Cole has arrived!

April 19, 2010

8:31 PM

8 pounds, 12 ounces

21 inches long

I can't wait for Katie to write about her birth experience.

You know Katie will describe it only as she can!!

You know your Nine months pregnant when….

You know you are nine months pregnant when….

 

 

You can't get out of the bath tub without your husband's help…true story.

 

You drop something and you look at it and think "do I really want to pick that up?"

 

Getting in and out of the car is such a chore that you would just rather not run errands.

 

You don't get too offended when your sister says you are the size of a baby hippo….you actually think "wow only a baby hippo"? I was thinking a full grown adult hippo pregnant with twins…

NOBODY mistakes you for just being fat … everyone now looks at you with a "aaawww getting close to the end" pity looks on their faces…

 

You start dreaming about sleeping on your stomach…

 

Sex would be awesome but you can't shake the thoughts of "I'm a size of a hippo" out of your head…

 

You spill something and cry because it's the fourth time you spilled something that day….

 

You can shave up to your knees but anything past that you're going in blind…

 

You wake up in the middle of the night and the entire left side of your body is asleep and the thought of rolling over is such a chore that you think "ok take your time, build up

momentum, you can do it"…..

 

You realize that the only shoes you have worn in the last two weeks are your husband slippers or the flip flops you bought last summer by mistake that are two sizes larger than normal….

When you sweep your floors but leave the piles for your husband to get because that requires bending over…

 

You now know what the restroom in every store in your town looks like …..

 

You get sad when you have Braxton hicks contractions…you secretly hope every time that they would be the "real" thing..

 

Every day you think … I cannot make it anymore.. He has to come today.. He just has to….

 

 

 

 

 

 

A Reverse What??

It is official Katie is going to have a baby!!

I know, I know, we have been saying that all along. But we could have been wrong.

We decorated a nursery; she's been taking birthing classes. Yes, we even gave her a baby shower… 2 in fact!

This all could have been some cruel joke but alas we know now that there is a baby in that protruding belly and it does want OUT!

At Katie's OBGYN appointment yesterday the Dr. informed her that she is in fact 1 cm dilated and that the baby has fully dropped. Yeah! Her due date in April 24^th but no one thinks she will last to then.

Katie's work did start an office pool on when she will have the baby- my money is on April 15^th –TAX DAY!

Last night Katie experienced her first real contractions, three contractions in total. She described it only as Katie could-"as if Cole was trying to burn his way out of my uterus." This one is my favorite- "it felt like a reverse orgasm!" Only Katie could come up with that one!

I did have my four girl's ala natural (I said that in a French accent, for affect)…well, okay, I will admit to having just enough Demerol to not kill Kenny in the birthing room. It hurt. I thought I was going to die. I said things that to this day my husband makes fun of me about. I looked like I had been run over by a truck when it was all said and done. A close friend of mine gave birth to a 12 pound baby boy- the good old fashioned way with no pain meds- just a mid wife! She described it this way: "Take your finger and hold one of your nostrils closed. Now imagine blowing out a 10 pound bugger from the other nostril!" OUCH!!

Katie now understands why morphine, epidurals and c-sections are good things!

We shall keep you posted!!

A Moment of Weakness

I do have to say that Katie has enjoyed her pregnancy and has taken the many physical changes that have occurred with stride…until last week.

Mother's you know what I am referring to: that one moment when you have had enough!

Enough, protruding belly, enough not being able to bend over, enough not being able to sleep on your stomach, enough peeing every 15 minutes. Do I need to go on?

Katie had her moment last Friday morning … about 6:00am. She woke up that morning with her feet so swollen she could barely walk. She called me about 6:30am crying.

When my cell phone rang and I saw it was Katie I was a little alarmed. Trying to hide my anxiety I answered the phone with a chipper "Hey! Good morning! Is everything okay?" I was answered by muffled sobbing.

After a couple seconds I realized she was okay. Physically, okay but had reached that emotional moment of just plain being DONE!

I let her talk and cry and explain to me how her whole life was being dictated to her by this enormous belly. She felt guilty for wanting Cole to just come- to be done with the pregnancy thing. She just wanted to see her feet again, to sleep on her stomach, to feel normal.

I didn't have the heart to tell her that she would never feel normal again. That the conflicted feelings were just now beginning. As a mom we are constantly juggling our own wants and needs with the needs of our children, and on those occasions we do put ourselves first we are riddled with guilt. She'll figure that out on her own.

What I did tell her was that all of those feelings and frustrations that she is feeling right now are perfectly normal. Even with a loving supportive husband pregnancy is overwhelming at times.

I told her that I too had those feelings in the last few weeks of pregnancy. That is why I thought it was a perfectly sane and good idea to drink a bottle of castor oil when I was 39 weeks pregnant with Rebekah. I had had enough! I drank the castor oil- then I threw up and had diarrhea. Nothin' not even a ting of labor pains. Rebekah was born exactly 9 days later, when she was ready, not a moment sooner!! Thanks Rebekah! Anyway, I never tried that again with the other girls- I just soaked in the bathtub and cried- lesson learned!

A note from the Grandma to be

The end is getting close!! I am so excited about the thought of meeting baby Cole! I get to be "in the room" with Katie when she goes into labor. I'm not sure if I'm ready or not for that.

I have done a good job at keeping my distance from Katie and not interjecting myself into her pregnancy. All of my co-workers who take messages and answer the phone can stop laughing now!! Okay, we do talk every day, at least 3 times a day on the phone. What I mean by keeping my distance is I haven't poured on the advice and I haven't gotten all crazy about telling her what she should be experiencing right about now in her body or telling her how to get ready for the baby. That's what all of those pregnancy books are for and some things you're just better off finding out yourself -the hard way. And to be quite honest a lot of the details of pregnancy have faded from my memory over the last 17 years. Not that the stretch marks have, those are permanently imprinted on my stomach, thighs, legs and butt!! Thank you very much!!

Just the other day Katie called me in a panic. It went something like this-

Katie- "Mom, I don't think I can breast feed after all!"

Me- "Why, what's wrong?" With all of the excitement I thought maybe her breast fell off or something.

Katie- "Have you seen what breast feeding does to your breasts and nipples??"

Me- "No, Katie, I didn't breast feed 4 babies. My boobs just did this to themselves! Of course I know what it does!! I was a hottie before you and your 3 sisters did this to me!!"

Katie will periodically call me and quote to me from the baby book -with all the authority and importance of the first and only pregnant human being on the planet-what size the baby is or whatever the important growth mile stone is now occurring in her ever expanding belly. I am always happy and relieved that all is well, and a little grossed out at the same time!

She is my daughter and we have shared first bras, first periods, the sex talk and we have talked about poop more than any two women should ever discuss bawl movements. So how come does my tummy do a little flip every time I think of her going into labor and pushing out that baby I so desperately want to meet??

Please, Katie do not take this as if I'm repulsed by the sight of you or that I think you personally are in any way gross. I'm just being open with my feelings. I have done a good job at pretending that you and Jake don't have sex… just like me and Daddy don't, wink, wink. Is pregnancy the final step to you becoming a woman? Is this the last bit of apron string being cut? Oh, I don't know! I can't even conjure up some overly spiritualized metaphor…. My stomach hurts now… Oh, Katie I hope I don't throw up in the labor room!!

Delivery Class

My heart was pounding as I walked up to the hospital with Jake last night; we were going to our first Delivery Class. I was so nervous! Was I supposed to bring pillows? Why didn’t I see anyone else carrying pillows? Great, I am going to look like an idiot carrying two huge blue pillows into class!

Okay! Calm Down Katie …… Just Breathe!

Why am I so nervous? I really can’t answer that. I have been scared about everything! I really wanted to get into this class but it was full and at the last minute the instructor called and said that they could fit us in!! Thank you, God!! He must have known that I am a tightly wound up bundle of nerves and I need some “teaching” on how to calm the heck down!!

YES!! Other people brought pillows! I was feeling a little better. The class was small, maybe 18 people. Some moms-to-be brought their moms. Of course there were husbands (or at least baby daddies) and one lady even brought her best friend.
The instructor was so calming and full of information. She kept saying “child birth is normal, we are made for this.” Wow, I know it’s a simple concept but just hearing that calmed me down.
I felt so proud to have Jake by my side; he listened carefully and not once looked bored. He did get a little sassy about counting contraction. He told me “That’s easy; I got that in the bag!”
We will see. LOL

On a side note: I was so happy they provided water and snacks during this class! I never eat little cookie packs or graham crackers but during those classes, they are too awesome! They are like gourmet food to me!

We made “couple friends” in the class and by “friend” I mean we talked to them the most.
They are our age and down to earth. They weren’t overly talkative. I hate when people just yak and yak about stuff you don’t really care about because hello, you have never meet them before. I think on the next class we are going to put our mat next to theirs.
In every class there is that one person that shares way too much of their life and gives the oddest advice. We had not one but two women like that!! TMI, folks, TMI!!
Then there are the…I will call them “the Smokers.” They would go out on the breaks and smoke. Yes, one of them is 32 weeks PREGNANT!!!
I couldn’t stand it, what were they thinking? They acted like we didn’t know what they were doing…like we couldn’t smell the smoke on them? Anyways….. They would say things in class like “Well, I went out the night before I gave birth and had one last wild night!” Hump, probably smoking! They just kept saying things like “All women scream I hate you at their husbands during pregnancy “ or “All women say the F word at least ten times while pushing!” By the end of the class I was so annoyed with them I told Jake “NEVER put our mat next to theirs, EVER!!!!”

Over all I had a great first class. I now do five exercises twice a day till the next class. Jake is very serious about them too…. so it looks like my lazy days are over.

Things I would know If I Were a Black Woman

1- That vaginas need to breath… and that cotton panties allow vajayjays to breath ……and it’s especially important during pregnancy that “it” breaths properly. Enough said.

2- When someone inquires as to what items you already have for the baby you say “Nothing”. I learned this lesson a couple of weeks back from a very sweet young lady who was drawing my blood for my last round of blood work.
This is how it all went down: I was sitting there talking to this charming lady; I would say she was in her mid twenties. She was asking me how my pregnancy was going and how the nursery was coming along. I responded “Great, people have given me so much stuff and I am going to have two showers!” I just went on and on…..
She smiled at me and said “Girl, ain’t nobody taught you what to say to that question?”
I looked at her with pure confusion and answered meekly “No.”
She smiled and said “When someone asks you what you have for the baby, you say, NOTHIN! I got four strollers and I returned three of them and they paid for the diapers of my last baby for the first year!”
I looked at her with pure amazement!! Was I hearing her correctly? She smiled again and said “Nobody gives you gifts when they think “oh, she has everything already or she has enough” My first thought was “this is pure genius” and my second was “why, is it that I get advice in the oddest of circumstances?”
I have never met anyone honest enough to say something like that…..I loved it!
I laughed and told my new found best friend “nobody has ever told me to say that!” She laughed and said “my mom and aunties taught me that. They stalked my entire nursery with that one word.”
I laughed all the way to the car, where I promptly called my mom and said “Mom, I have nothin’!”

3- How to put the fear of God into a child in the quietest and calmest of ways.
I meet a lady when I was teaching that just seemed to always have her class under control and never had to have to yell or get crazy to do it. I finally asked her one day what her secret was. She told me “crazy eyes!”
She said, “I get low, right in front of the child, I speak very calmly but I give them the craziest of all crazy eye looks. It scares them straight-plain and simple.” She said you don’t have to say anything mean or threatening you just say something simple like “your making me upset by your bad choices, please make better choices.” But the whole time giving mental patient, I am a loony person, crazy eyes! Kids don’t know what to think. She said she used it all the time on her own daughters and she got so good she would give them the eyes without saying anything and they would stop whatever they were doing. I asked her who taught it to her. She responded “my momma! Best crazy eyes I ever saw”. Who knew!!

Whats Gotta What??( title edited by my mother)

About three weeks ago I decided that I could no longer wear my old undies and that I needed to move on to pregnant panties. I have seen the size of these things and the idea of me needing and purchasing them was quite overwhelming!
I come from a generation that a small piece of cloth and string serves just fine as comfy undies. Suddenly that small piece of cloth was no longer comfortable. I was terrified to break down and go into a store and buy prego size panties, those things are huge!
One day on my lunch break I decided to go to Target and look around. I looked all over the underwear department but found nothing. I had a moment of genius! I would buy plus size underwear that would cover my growing belly!
The underwear department was packed but only one large black lady stood in front of the plus size area.
I started looking at all the different options, when I heard this booming voice next to me say “Why can’t they make plus size panties in silk? Us big girls like silk too!!”
In a horrified voice I quickly answered “Oh, I’m pregnant!”
She then smiled and said “Wow, girl! Congratulations! Let me see your belly!”
She then smoothed out my shirt across my belly and laughed!
“Wow, you are pregnant and you will need … let me see …I think you’re a size ten.”
I just stood there in a stunned silence, as she continued.
“And you will need cotton, Yep, cotton because girl your vagina will need to breath!”
I could not believe that a complete stranger was touching me and then to top it off she just said vagina!! The department was crowded and I could feel people’s eyes burning into the back of my head. Did she stop there? Oh no, she kept on going in a loud happy southern black lady voice!
“Now get these, in the pretty colors because Girl, just because your pregnant doesn’t mean you don’t wanna feel sexy! Oh, yeah! You know what I mean! But remember to let your vagina breath. Stuffs changin’ down there and it’s gotta breath Girl, silk don’t let your vagina breath!”
I stood there with my face burning and tears starting to swell up in my eyes. I have never been so embarrassed. It takes a lot to embarrass me and I was at my breaking point.
“Ok” I said in a squeaky voice.
“Now, Girl don’t be embarrassed! Everyone’s vagina needs to breath! So only get cotton!” she said smiling at me.
I could not believe that I like a lunatic let a complete stranger touch me and then stood there as this lady loudly proclaimed that my vagina needs to breath for the whole underwear department to hear, not once , not twice but over five times!
She gave me one last big smile and walked away.
I then obediently took the size 10 cotton (in pretty colors) package of panties up to the cashier and bought them. I love them and wear them every day and in case you wanted to know…..my vagina is breathing.