The doctor said the “F” word … formula

The doctor said the "F" word … formula
After 26 hours of Cole not having a BM or soiled diaper I knew I needed to take him to the doctor….
We weighed once we got there and he indeed had lost over a pound in weight and he was only five days old. The doctor listened quietly to my story of how I have been feeding Cole every hour to 2 hours and he seemed to be frustrated. She quietly looked at the scale and then said "I believe you're not producing enough milk and I think you need to supplement with formula." It was like a slap to the face…..I was not enough for my baby? The doctor might as well have said "Katie your inadequate. "
It took three days and a lot of soul searching to not cringe when I feed Cole the bottle.
I can't be everything for Cole.  He will one day be his own little person ….I was being selfish and it was my ego swelling up and wanting to get in the way.  Would I starve Cole just so that my ego wouldn't be bruised? Why did I feel like I had to be completely perfect and be everything for Cole? One day he will want to use the potty on his own, he will one day eat solid foods, or maybe, gosh... one day want to be with his dad over me.  How far would I let my ego flair out of control? Well, it's going to stop here!
"It's not about me."
My husband and I are merely our child's custodians. We are his shapers, but not his maker. That part was done elsewhere. His behavior in a restaurant  reflects on our abilities as parents, but their genius does not. We might encourage and direct their particular talents but we do not bestow them. That too, was done
elsewhere.
No matter what happens with blood tests, feeding or anything that may come up I know that its time to remain humble and have faith  and remember that it's not about me.
Cole still loves me, he still needs me, I am adequate ……..